I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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