proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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