I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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