At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
