Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
