There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
