did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Your cock deserves a montage
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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