he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
