cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
