cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
