Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
