So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I see more hoeing in ur future
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