she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
