Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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