Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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