that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
