i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
