Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
