i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
