Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
