i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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