I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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