It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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