I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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