dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
