Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
