This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
