I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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