I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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