ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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