glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
