I think im going to throw up on grandma
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
