I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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