I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
