I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
