There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
