I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
