Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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