I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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