so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
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