i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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