i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize