she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
