he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Semen is not good for contacts.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
