i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
