He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
