Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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