Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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