i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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