I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
