You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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