btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
