I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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