she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
