all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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