He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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