She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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