wake up i wanna do it froggy style
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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