planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
