I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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