Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
