just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
