i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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