you traded sex for a burrito?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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