In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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