I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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