You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
